Planking

Thanks to my twins, this summer I have discovered the delights or horrors of a new form of exercise -"planking".

"Planking" was introduced to me by the twins. Now this, they informed me, required little aerobic exercise but patience and a degree of nerve - apparently. Initially, this type of exercise appealed to me as I imagined watching something on the television whilst developing muscle control and deeper levels of concentration.  I was a little concerned where the  "plank" came into it, and in my naivety, thought perhaps it was some sort of yoga position. How stupid was I!

According to my Double Act, firstly, you travel by train to your local shopping centre or mall with a group of friends, preferably wearing hoodies ("although some malls are complete melts and won't let you in if they can't see your face," moaned a twin.) I asked why your face had to be hidden and to much eye rolling and facial gurning was told that being hidden was part of the risk. When they had finished staring at me as if I was totally incompetent, I reflected on whether I had a hoodie in my wardrobe; whether I could swop a mall for the lounge floor but more importantly how I was going to watch the television with a covered face whilst practising the new craze of "planking"? I prompted them to continue and raising their head from the XBox, they begrudgingly complied.

So on entering the centre/mall, you had to find a flat surface, I was told.
 "Where does the plank come into it?" I inquired.
"Wait! The plank will be revealed," the younger twin assured me.
Once the surface had been assessed for suitability you had to lie flat on your stomach, legs straight, immobile.
"Like a plank?" I exclaimed eagerly. "Oh what happens if I trip someone up?" the horror of causing injury to an unsuspecting shopper was dawning on me.
"Well, they would be a total plank for not seeing you!" they said in unison and returned to their gaming.
"Well, that is totally out of order. Completely pointless and lacks any thought!" I was becoming rather worked up.
"Planking is planking. It does not have to be dangerous. It is quiet and only harms complete planks if they are too plankish not to notice you! Anyway most of the time, we plank on the edge of walls so noone is harmed. If we fall we will look like a total plank!" said one.
"Or become as flat as one!" mused the other with authority of one who has had a near "plank" miss.

Oh that made it so much better! Lying on a wall three storeys high was clearly plankish! Potentially, landing on the ground floor, whilst ricocheting off an escalator, passersby and kiosks contained every "plankish" element! Needless to say , my two twin "plankers" will NOT be "planking" anymore.