MIDuffers5 - Mummy Intelligence

Recently I have just caught the "Spooks" bug.  Ok, I know that the BBC programme started way back when  but I was clearly very busy between 2002 and 2011! However, 2012 is the year for my initiation and I am hooked! Seriously, every loiterer on the streets of Leigh on Sea  is now a potential spy; people talking into headsets are clearly on a mission and any bulge in clothing is a potential weapon - no pun intended but hey I am from Essex!
It gets worse. I now believe I have missed my vocation. I have delusions of spy grandeur! I have thought long and hard about why and how our Intelligence Agencies could have possibly missed me in their graduate recruitment programme. I believe it due to a number of issues.
 Firstly, I am very forgetful so this would have hindered the mission as I would not  have been able to  recall where I was supposed to be or who I was supposed to be meeting, but I have reasoned this could have been an asset, as I generally cannot remember what I am doing from day to day so under torture I would not have released any details of worth or sense. However, torture was a tricky issue. My pain threshold is zero. Sleep deprivation would have been a breeze - I have had years of that as a mother-  but any other pain and I am generally balling. Running and climbing also proved a problem for me. In "Spooks" the females seem to run, jump, climb and fight in short skirts and stilettos  Again, I rationalised, that being an Essex girl and having been attired just so in my youth  and attended many a club where verbal and physical fights had broken out, that perhaps this would not be such a huge problem after all. Sleeping with the enemy also became a concern. My face is generally an open book and I have never been one for numerous liaisons so that was definitely off the menu.- lie back and think of England - no thank you, unless they looked like Johnny Depp when I could just manage it, other than that I may have had to gag a little before copulation. Weaponry could have also been a sticking point. Generally, I am DIY useless and an attempt with a drill has resulted in carnage. Yet again, I turned this into a positive. During a shoot out I could, unwittingly, have annihilated any opposition as I struggled to control my gun; thus saving the team. However, risk to civilians was high on this front so I decided that I needed a desk job.
Out of curiosity and knowing they had watched the series, I chose to ask my elder sons which "Spook" they most thought I was like. Clearly Roz and Jo were high on my wishlist. My eldest announced Ruth with conviction.  The twins remained silent.
"Why? Is it because you think, like her, I am so intelligent and can see through to a problem double quick?" I admit I sounded rather desperate and excitable.
"No,"he replied.
"Is it because she is likeable, vulnerable yet tough and loyal?" I asked.
"No," he replied.
"Why then?" I enquired.
"Do you really want me to answer? Do you really?" he was playing with me now.
"Yes," I sounded pathetic.
"Ok - but if you sulk, it's your fault," he said with authority. I was nervous now. "It is because she has the same stupid lip quiver that you have when you are upset. It is because she cries so readily and has no ability to protect herself in a tough situation. It is because she has a sad taste in clothes.It is because she loves everyone and needs to harden up. But more importantly, like you, if she had had a son who had left his Facebook on, she would have scanned through like you do to mine. If she had had a son, she would have read his texts like you do! If she had had a son, she would have read his history on the computer like you do! "
I grinned, "That's Mummy Intelligence for you!"
"No that's damn right snooping," he growled.
So I am  a spy and I didn't even realise it. I am a Mummy Spook! The fact that the enemy have realised, is besides the point, I will just have to try new tactics! Claerly I am not a MILF but I am proud to say I am a MUMOOK - a mum spook! I wonder how many of you out there are snooping, spying and spooking on your kids cyber land activities? Is it wrong? Well this MUMOOK says, I don't think so!