Shout Out at the O.K Corral

Just sometimes, once in a blue moon, when they notice my eager face imploring them to communicate, we sit together and talk at the kitchen table.  Well, I talk and the three eldest boys, whilst shovelling food relentlessly into their mouths in a raw bid to escape, "ping" (complete anomaly to me).  Apparently the London riots were a national "ping" according to my eldest.

 Anyway, tonight "pinging" was banned.  So, as an "in the moment" and "up with the yoof " kinda mum, I announce that we should discuss social networking.  I was egging to have my lecture on the dangers of cyber-bullying, stalking and trolling.  Silence was broken by my youngest saying: "Is that the troll from under the bridge with the goats?"

This question was swiftly followed by one of my twins grunting: "Oh… My… God… see, why do you have to be so odd?"  Whether that was directed at his younger sibling or me, I'm still non the wiser but I decided a different approach was needed.

 "Right, Caitlin Moran. She is one of my all-time favourites on Twitter - hysterically funny and sharp. Would you like to know about her?"

Silence. "No", says the eldest.  At 15 he is unimpressionable and righteous.

 "Oh, come on, humour me, " I plead.

 "Why?" says the other twin. Now this utterance is a mountain as for at least two years he has been under an oath of silence.  So, eager to engage him, I pull my heroine up on google.

 "See, working mum who is published and hysterically funny.  I was thinking of growing out my hair dye as I'm sure I could become a Caitlin lookie-likey if all else fails."

 " Holy crap, no!  Why would you do that?" not a question but a statement fired from my 15 year old's lips as he peered at Caitlin's website.

The next ten minutes became a torrent of sanctimonious outbursts from said "I am fifteen going on sixty" son.  Now, not to offend Ms Moran too much, apparently we are twins - which again according to him, is not a good thing!  Needless to say, he believes that journalism has hit an all-time low if a cross between a character from a Tim Burton film and his mother cannot even pronounce her name correctly; believes women find Aslan sexy (he's a friggin lion!) and talks about being a marijuana addict. "How does she come close to being funny?"

With a sneer and a shrug, he heaved his 6ft rugby bulk from the table and shook his head "Nice one, Mum.  Another woman just like you who wants to be a freak on purpose!".

 Well, you try to talk and educate your children and it comes right back to bite you.  I give up!  Some shoot-outs you just can't win