Joy of joys! End of
term is upon me! Horror of horrors my sons' reports! Reports!
Why do they still fill me with that deep-rooted sense of dread?
They are not even my flipping reports! Yet, I sit on the bottom step
of the stairs chipping at my nail varnish and praying to any god to make it all
just peachy. The last day of term has loomed and I huddle hands clasped
around my knees rocking whilst waiting for my brood to come home with their
....reports!
In my youth, (god, why
is that so long ago? Why? Why? Why?),
I remember desperately wanting to be "too cool for
school" and dreamt of being brave enough to open mine in front of my
friends. With a curl of the lip and a roll of the shoulders head
thrust forward and back in contempt, in my fantasy, I would sneer:
"teachers and parents bring it on. Like I care what you think!"
However, reality was the ice cold envelope that sat on my desk
mocking me: "Go on then if you think you're hard enough!". I
wasn't.
Ok. Here goes.
Yep as expected. 15 year old has romped in with an academic feast -
phew- boys apparently inherit their mother's intelligence. Well
I read that once so I'm a believer! Yet, no surprises about the general
comments of "arrogance" and "lack of respect". Come
and live with me for a week! Hello, why can't they just write: he's
bloody bright but thinks he is absolutely never ever wrong and is a complete
menace who likes to patronise adults and eat little children!
That would be honest. Why am I subjected to: "could develop
more empathy"?
Right twins next.
Gulp. Ok. Yep. Not so good. Why did one of them
think it was appropriate to start talking like Daffy Duck in religious studies?
Maybe I could argue that he was speaking in tongues? The other has,
apparently, developed a habit of playing manhunt in the corridors at lunchtime
according to his form tutor. Should I be concerned? Has he just
discovered his sexual leaning or is he indeed a psychopath?
When you write them yourself, it's worse because the thinly-veiled euphemism is like gossamer. So you know 'lively' = bloody annoying and never shuts up. In our case, 'she has an excellent amount of self confidence and leads groups and peers effectively' = bosses anyone and everyone (including her parents) at every opportunity. Then there is the 'killer' adverb in son's report - 'he USUALLY takes a positive approach to his lessons and is GENERALLY well behaved.' Still, it's over until next year. Enjoyed this.
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