Snakes

It's quite pathetic I know but I have an absolute loathing and fear of snakes.  When I was eleven years old running around barefoot on my grandfather's farm in the depths of Billericay, Essex, England (aka Gavin and Stacey) I was bitten by an adder and since then I have absolutely, never, ever wanted to see a snake again...EVER!  Not that the pain was that bad at the time, just more the adults' reactions: "She's going to die!" followed with: " Should we suck the poison out?"  It would be a bit flipping late to suck the poison out if I was dead I reasoned as a child.
Well, since the mushroom issues, I decided we should take a leisurely walk into the country to allow "hedgehog boy" to reclaim his natural environment.  When I say country I use it in the broadest terms possible.  Any green would be counted as country in South East Essex sunshine state as what has been left of Henry VIII's forest can be walked around in about twenty minutes.  So arriving at the woods ( small concrete area with semi-living trees), we strolled around as a family.  Well, I strolled and the boys dragged themselves.
"Why are you making us do this?" eldest son groaned.
"Breathe deeply and fill your lungs," I answered.
"Why, to breath in more pollution and then die quickly of carbon-monoxide poisoning?" he retorted.
"To understand and become one with nature," said I semi-snarling.
"Nature?  You haven't been out much have you, Mum. Look around your nature is grey and breeze-block! Let's go home and watch the bloody Olympics!"
I scowled  and growled :"Nature is all around us! We should embrace all natural things as we are part of the natural world.  We should love nature!"
"Yeah right where is nature exactly in this concrete jungle?" the sarcasm dripped from his lips.
And then it happened.  A flipping snake appeared.  I dissolved into a quivering wreck, screaming: "Oh my god, oh my god! Kick it!!"  The snake was paralyzed with fear and didn't move.  I'm sorry to say I began to scream more loudly and with extreme panic: "Get rid of it, please for the love of god!"
"Good one Mum," laughed my eldest, "it's a slow worm!  Embrace all living things? Clearly you are really attuned to nature!"
 Well, ok, attuned to most living things just not long, thin ones even if they are in a pair of trousers!