Womanly Wiles

As a mother of boys, generally, I'm ignored or patronised.  I learnt the art of being able to project my voice from the garden to their bedrooms. " Phone's ringing! The PHONE'S ringing! For the love of God: PHONE!" or " Tea's ready! TEA! TEEAAA!" The latter I found produced results. So now, regardless of my need for their presence, I opt for: "Tea's ready!" as it's the one phrase that will round them up and ensure they come to heel.
 Devious?  Of course.  I am woman and I embrace my ability to manipulate! It achieves the desired results: four boys standing eagerly in front of me.  The look of outrage, as they arrive on mass skidding into the kitchen, to discover that in fact there isn't any food but in fact they have been hoodwinked into chores, never fails to amuse me. " Oh, did I say tea? Silly me! I meant unload the dishwasher, finish your homework and take the washing upstairs!" The curses and glares are enough to warm the cockles of my heart. They fall for it everytime and, when they protest about the injustice of it, I turn on them and say: " Look my boys, you are going to be manipulated by women as you grow up so I am allowing you to understand the trickery of the female mind right here, right now! "  Usually this statement produces eye rolling, but my list of chores are at least half-heartily completed as I stand hands on hips, squinting and breathing in slow, low deep breaths of air psyching myself up for my first verbal punch. I have a myriad of choice phrases but my number one favourite of all time is:" Not one of you care about me and it hurts.  I cook, clean, work and I'm nothing but a chauffeur and house-maid" I  end this with a quiet sob. Initially, my eldest would curl his lip and state:" Save the melodramatics. You're not on the stage now, Mum!" However, the aftermath of that retort was enough to even bring him to my way of thinking. So, I give them their due - they have learnt quickly to just do rather than argue and I feel their future wives will thank me for it.  It's been a slow learning curve but two vital lessons have been learnt: one - a man's weakness is his stomach and, two - never underestimate a woman's power to emotionally blackmail!
 My grass needs cutting, so next weekend my poor fiance is going to be hearing;" Tea's ready!"