Wax Lyrical

Living apart from my fiance is generally quite frustrating - times you want to share something are usually by text or phone and generally the moment of hysteria has passed. so it becomes more of a "Are you ok?" than  "I feel your pain or bloody hell that is hysterical!"  However, I would be a big, fat liar to say that sometimes the distance works. I can become the hairy yeti for at least four days and eat everything for at least three.  A well planned out operation in which no one loses- neither my stomach nor the extra warmth generated by my body hair and he is under the illusion that I am semi-desirable! That is until he drops a bombshell such as "I'll be there at eight!"
"Eight? Eight as in tomorrow?" I mumble.
 No eight becomes this very night!  As parents of many children spontaneity is not our norm and I have been lulled into a false sense of security!
"EIGHT TONIGHT?!!!" barely disguised horror is apparent in my tone.
"Yep, eight tonight, I've missed you and everything is sorted my end."
Action stations! How am I going to defluff and look vaguely sexy in two hours with a house full?  Would my guests happily ensconced in the garden ignore the hum of a epilator without thinking I had rushed upstairs to relieve myself ? Would my screams from the wax strips be misconstrued as self-flagellation? I am a rabbit in headlights and it's not rampant! Worse still is the thought that I thought I had at least one day of starvation before I saw my man but not now! Now, a fixed smile has descended to show I am the perfect host but in between serving drinks, I am running up and down the stairs to lose at least six pound whilst a voice is screaming in my head ! "Why did you eat that pizza last night?  You  knew it was the devil's carbohydrate semen but at least you had a day to spend purifying! You are a slave to gluten1"  Not now! No day's relief for me! Now I am a crazed woman.  I have hair to remove! My foof or noonie as it's affectionately known  in these parts needs serious waxing and the time is ticking.....